Sam Carter

We had just come through the Stargate and boy was I tired. I had been looking at the machine for several hours now and I still had no idea of what it did but I wasn’t going to tell the Colonel that we had spent ten hours doing practically nothing. I looked down towards the bottom of the ramp and saw General Hammond there waiting for us.

“Glad to have you back SG-1, your debriefing will be at 0800 hours. Until then I suggest you go to the infirmary and get checked out by Dr Fraiser, and then get some rest.”

So I went to the locker room, got changed, spent a long time in the shower (much to the annoyance of Colonel O’Neill), and then headed off to the infirmary. Janet gave me the all clear so I thought that I’d catch up on some work up in my lab.

After several minutes of being intercepted by various base personnel, I finally got to my lab. I closed the door and sat down heavily at the desk, putting my head in my hands and sighing. I don’t remember falling asleep but I guess I must have done, as I was woken up by a loud beeping from the computer. I hadn’t turned it on…

“What the hell?”

My screen had gone black, except for the cursor sitting in the top left hand corner. It flashed white for a few seconds, then a message scrolled across the screen:

“Sam, the Matrix has you…”

“What is going on?” I tried the escape button, then tried restarting. Nothing worked. The screen flashed again, and another message came up:

”Knock, knock!”

Just a few seconds later there was a loud knocking at the door, and Colonel O’Neill’s voice floated in.

“Come on Carter, we’re going to be late for the mission briefing.”

“Sir?”

Now Colonel O’Neill wandered in, and glanced down at Sam, still sitting at her desk. He shook his head at how dedicated she was to her work.

“You remember that thing where we tell General Hammond what we got up to off world? Anyway, what’s wrong, you look like you’ve see a ghost!”

“I just saw my com…. never mind.” Yeah like I was going tell him that. Last time I did something like that they all thought I was going crazy. Maybe I am.

“Ok if that’s what you say, come on we’re going to be late.” At that I got up and started to walk to the elevator. We stayed in silence until we got to the briefing room. We arrived just in time because General Hammond came out of his office just as we got to the table in the middle of the room, the Colonel and I sat next to each other on one side and Teal’c on the other side.

 

Gen. Hammond

As I entered the room Major Carter and Colonel O’Neill had just walked in. I thought that this was strange because those two were normally the first here.

“Ok so what do you have for me people?”

“Sir, We found a machine on P3X-924. It produces a lot of power.”

I knew that Major Cater would be the first to tell me about the new machine that they had found.

“Do we know what it does yet?”

“No Sir, but I want to try some tests on it to try and determine it’s nature and then see if I can get it to work.”

“Unless it’s something we don’t want to know about. Like another one of those pesky time loop machines!” Colonel O’Neill always has a fear of new technology. Understandable really. He was most apprehensive when one of them (usually Major Carter) was about to fiddle with a device that’s probably not been used in thousands of years.

Teal’c examined the machine, and glanced up at me, “It appears to be technology used by the Ancients.”

“That’s what I thought Teal’c, but that only rules out some sort of explosive.”

“There was indeed nothing else in the area that had remained intact, and no writings to translate. Without these it would seem we are in the dark.”

“Yeah, where’s an instruction manual when you need it?” Colonel O’Neill always seemed to have some sort of remark ready, I don’t think I’ve ever seem him speechless, except possibly when Doctor Jackson died, just a couple of weeks ago.

“Yeah sir, it looked like they were attacked. Maybe the Ancient’s who built it didn’t want anybody else to know what they were dealing with.”

“Teal’c, try to find anything that might of happened on that planet. Major Carter, please try to find out what that machine is. Oh, and if you’re going to turn it on, please inform me first.”

“Yes sir.”

“As for your next mission, you will all have to wait till you get someone to replace Dr Jackson.”

“With all due respect General…”

“No arguments Colonel, I expect you to follow me on this one. SG-1 dismissed.”

 

Colonel O’Neill

I watched Hammond go, with some slight annoyance. Personally I didn’t think an SG team always needed four members, but then again it wasn’t my decision. Silently I got up, and after a few seconds decided to follow Carter.

“So what’s the plan Major? I mean what sort of tests are you running to find out what this thing does?”

“Well sir, without actually turning it on, the tests I can do are limited. I was thinking of trying to find out power it is, and what, if any, particles it emits. I mean, we’ve never come across anything like this before, so we should be careful.”

“Yeah, that’s, uh, kind of what I was thinking. Listen, do you want something to eat or something first?”

“Sure, I am kind of hungry.”

After a few minutes and a short trip up in the elevator, we arrived at the cafeteria. I decided to grab myself some of the pie, and then waited while Sam spent five minutes deciding she was going to have some of the ever-present Orange Jell-O. We walked over to the nearest clear table, and sat. Unfortunately, to sit down she had to set down both the device and food, and in doing so she knocked them both onto the floor. She cursed to herself and bent down, stopping half way.

“Uh-Oh…”

“Carter, what is it? You haven’t stepped in any of that Jell-O have you?”

“No Sir, much worse than that.”

I put my head in my hands, not really wanting to know the answer to the next question.

“What have you done?”

Carter reappeared above the table, with the device in her hand. It was flashing and generally emitting light.

“I thought we weren’t supposed to turn that thing on? Is there an off switch?”

“There was, sir.”

“What do you mean, ‘was’?”

She held up her other hand. There was a switch in it.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me…”

“Sorry sir. It seems to be ok, it doesn’t seem to be doing much…”

Just as she finished this sentence, the room was plunged into darkness. I looked around, and stood rather too quickly, slamming my knee into the side of the table. I hobbled forward, just as the lights flicked back on. Then off. Again. After a few seconds the lights seemed to have a mind of their own, turning on and off every few seconds.

“Carter…”

 

Major Carter

I looked around helplessly, then down at the device, which was still glowing. In the alternating light, I desperately tried to switch the device off, trying to block out the surprised shouts of the other diners, and O’Neill’s insistence that we get it fixed.

“I’m sorry sir, I can’t do anything. The device won’t stop.”

At that, O’Neill turned and headed from the room, apparently planning to head down to Hammond’s office to apologise. I followed him into the corridor, where it was apparent the device may have effected the entire base. All the lights here were flashing on and off as well, and apparently the guard’s walkie talkies had turned on, strangely though, they were all playing some hard rock station. I was getting quite worried now, and picked up the pace. We reached the elevator quicker than normal, and stopped about five metres away. The lift doors were opening and closing, apparently to the beat of the current song. The Colonel shot me a look, and ran off in the other direction, towards the emergency stairs.

 

General Hammond

I’d just been sitting, minding my own business in my office, going over Sg-1’s mission report. Suddenly all the lights blacked out, and everything went haywire. I picked up my phone, only to find out that instead of the dialling tone I had Rock FM. I recognized the song from my grand daughters collection, it was “How you remind me” by Nickelback. I put the phone down and tried again. Same thing. I kept trying, and after what seemed like hours Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter entered the room, looking slightly out of breath.

“Colonel, Major, can I ask you a question?”

“Possibly General, what is it? Would you like a drink or something?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of ‘what the HELL is going on?!’”

“Well, Sir, I kind of switched on the device…”

“What?!”

“It slipped out of my hand and hit the floor sir, it was an accident.”
”And have you tried switching it off yet?”

“Yeah, General, that’s the other problem.” The Colonel looked extremely exasperated, and I dreaded what was coming.

“Sir, it’s broken.”

“It’s WHAT?”

“Well, it landed on the ground, and apparently landed on the power switch, which broke in the process.” Major Carter set the device down on my desk, and I noticed some sort of orange gunk on it.

“Major, what is this stuff?”

“It’s nothing to worry about General, it’s only Jell-O…”

“You took it with you while you got something to EAT?!”

“Would you believe us if I said no?”

I stood up from my desk, looking at them both. “Not really Colonel. So what can we d…”

 

Major Carter

I had no idea why, but General Hammond had stopped talking and was staring into the distance. I glanced at him confused for a moment, then heard gunfire, followed by the word ‘Headshot’. Colonel O’Neill followed my lead as we both slowly turned around, to find all the computers in the briefing room were playing demos of some sort of first person shooter game.

“Ok, guys, can anyone tell me who installed Unreal Tournament on these computers?”

“Colonel, how did you know what it was?” That was General Hammond, looking extremely confused, and more than slightly annoyed.

“Uhh…Lucky guess?”

I decided to take the initiative, and walked to the nearest screen. I tried the off button, which apparently wasn’t going to work. On anything. I tried five or six computers, and only one responded. It reverted back to the desktop, where it began flashing a picture up of the Stargate, which apparently was dialling some sort of address. I heard a noise, and looked back to see General Hammond standing behind me.

“Any ideas Major?”

“None right now sir, with the only possibility I can think of being that some sort of virus has entered our system, or maybe that it has something to do with the device.”

“Maybe?!” Colonel O’Neill looked worried now, and turned to retrieve the device. It wasn’t there. Where it was, was hovering about 7 feet off the ground, and moving towards the briefing room table. It set itself down, and continued to flash.

“Ok, I think that rules out the virus…”

“You think?”

“Ok, Major, Colonel, go and find Teal’c. Get him to assist you in trying to find out what this thing does, and how the hell we can shut it off. In the meantime I’ll get the technicians down in the gate room to run a full system diagnostic.”

“Yes Sir.”

 

Teal’c

After I left the briefing room, I returned to my quarters, and decided to go into a state of Kelnor’heem. After a few seconds of searching I found the device that the Ta’re call a Lighter, which emits a small flame from its tip when it is turned on. I lit about ten of the candles, and turned to last few. They were floating in mid air. This I thought strange, but not as much as the fact that the other candles had gone out and had completely disappeared. After a few minutes of searching, I gave up and decided to go and find Major Carter. The happenings in the corridor were also most unusual. The lights were flickering on and off, and there appeared to be large amounts of technicians and soldiers running everywhere. After a few moments of confusion, Major Carter and Colonel O’Neill ran towards me, the device in their hands.

“O’Neill, Major Carter, it is a surprise to see you both. What brings you here?”

“Well, Teal’c old buddy, you’d be surprised, but it’s something to do with this.” He gestured at the device, and then the goings on around them.

“Do you believe that what is occurring has some relevance to this device?”

“Yes Teal’c. I kind of dropped the device and it switched itself on…”

“Very well. I shall accompany you to your laboratory.”

 

Major Carter

We made our way up to my lab, again taking the stairs, not wanting to know if the lift was still apparently ‘dancing’. After a few minutes more than usual, we were all sat staring at the device, which was still glowing. I glanced over the machine a few times, and then noticed something.

“Sir, I have an idea. Give me a few seconds.”

I managed to use a pen nib to replace the power switch, and after a few attempts, managed to switch the device off. We all looked up, where everything seemed to return to normal for a few seconds. Then it began again, worse then before, with rock blaring louder out of the base speakers.

“Uhh, Major…isn’t it supposed to, well, stop now?”

“Yes sir. The device itself has stopped working, but it still seems to be having an effect on the base.”

“Well then, here’s a plan. Why don’t we blow it up?”

“No sir. We still have no idea what this device does.”

“We do! It makes everything around the base go all wacky. Perfect for an intergalactic disco, but I can’t see the Goa’uld being the best of party guests.”

“I don’t mean that sir. Blowing it up could make things worse. Or even worse, the device could set off a chain reaction that may destroy the base.”

Colonel O’Neill stood up and walked to the wall, slowly knocking his head against it. After a few seconds, he stepped back as an announcement from the General briefly blocked out the music.

“SG-1, please report to the Gate Room immediately.”

The three of us looked at each other, wondering what the hell we had done now, and set off to meet General Hammond.

 

 

General Hammond

A few minutes after I made the call, SG-1 arrived in the gate room, apparently wondering what the hell was going on. I handed Major Carter the results of the diagnostic, and she spent a few seconds flicking through them.

“Wait, General, this doesn’t make any sense.”

“I know Major, I know.”

Colonel O’Neill was peeking over Major Carter’s shoulder, and looking utterly confused about what was on the sheet.

“What doesn’t make any sense?” Apparently the Colonel was having as many problems as ever understanding such complicated results.

“Well sir, there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of the systems on base.”

“Oh, I beg to differ,” the Colonel replied, pointing out of the room at the light and sound show going on in the briefing room, “Because that is STILL happening.”

“I know sir. But it’s nothing to do with the systems, and since the device has been switched off for such a long time, I don’t think it’s anything to do with that either.”

“Well then, what the hell is happening? I mean, whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to affect the Stargate or the computers in here. What else could happen?”

Just then, the Stargate started to turn, and Major Carter ran to the computers, announcing the obvious, that a wormhole was incoming.

“I just had to ask, didn’t I?”

After a few seconds, the gate finished it’s sequence and started up. Major Carter immediately hit the red button closest to her, and the iris closed over, preventing anyone coming through. I decided to find out where the Stargate was locked on to.

“Well, Major? Where does that wormhole go?”

“Umm, Abydos sir.”

“Abydos? I thought they buried their Stargate years ago?”

“They did sir. But come to think of it these were the same coordinates I saw on the briefing room computer. Someone wanted us to go there.”

“Well who? Who could do all that’s been happening and want us to open a wormhole to Abydos?”

 

Major Carter

I glanced down at the Iris, deep in thought at who it might be. Without warning, there was a white light, and something appeared through the Stargate. It looked like one of the ascended, and it quickly took the form of the late Daniel Jackson. I glanced over at the Colonel and Teal’c, who looked just as surprised. After a few more seconds of watching, the ‘gate shut down, and Daniel glanced up, waving. There was another flash and he appeared next to us in the briefing room.

“Hi Guys.”

We all stood there gaping at him. I decided to break the silence.

“Daniel! But I thought you were….well, dead!”

“No, ascended actually.”

“Daniel, buddy, how have you been?”

“Bored. You?”

“Daniel Jackson, it is good to see you.”

“You as well Teal’c, you’re looking well.”

“Um, Dr Jackson, I hate to break up the reunion, but could you tell us what the hell has been going on today?”

“Yeh, about that. My fault. As I said a few moments ago, it’s been a really slow day. It’s been so boring that I thought I’d come and see how you guys have been. Oh, and of course the little disco. I thought you guys might be up for a little fun.”

“Fun? You could have jeopardised the whole base!!”

“No, actually. I made sure everything was ok, why do you think the Gate Room wasn’t affected?”

“That’s a good point…” Colonel still looked slightly surprised, but it was slowly dawning on him that they were apparently talking to a dead person.

“Wait a minute Daniel, was that you on my computer?”

“Major, what do you mean on your computer?”

“That’s what I wasn’t going to tell you this morning Sir. My computer said something about the Matrix. I thought I may have been going crazy again.”

“Yes Sam, that was me. Sorry, I guessed it freaked you out a bit.”

“Oh no, it was fine. I don’t mind thinking I’m crazy. I’m just glad all this wasn’t my fault, with dropping the device and all.”

“Yes, from the looks of things you’re having a few problems figuring out what it is.”

“Oh yeah. Though we still want to know, despite Colonel O’Neill’s insistence that we blow it up.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”

“What, blowing it up, or what it is?”

“Either. But if you really want to know what it is, I can tell you.”

“Please! It would save us a hell of a lot of time.”

“Well, to be completely honest…”

“Daniel?”

“It’s a table lamp.”

The Colonel looked shocked, “It’s a WHAT?”
”A lamp. It produces light.”

“You mean to tell me we’ve spent half the day worrying about having broken an Ancient’s TABLE LAMP???!!!”

“Basically, yes.”

“Well, that’s a weight off my mind.”

“Well, I guess I really should be heading off, otherwise Oma’ll be wondering where the hell I am. Oh, and Sam, before I go…”

“Yes?”

“Orlando says Hi.” On that note, there was another flash of light, and Daniel disappeared. I looked at Colonel O’Neill, who seemed to be burning with a single question.

“Major, who is Orlando?”

Uh oh, now I was in for it. How was I supposed to answer this? “Well Sir, he…he’s…”

 

There was a third flash of light, and suddenly we were all sitting in the briefing room. General Hammond was asking what the device was.

“Sorry Sir?”

“I asked you if you knew what the device does.”

“It’s a table lamp sir. It produces light.”

Colonel O’Neill looked extremely annoyed, and glanced at me, “When the hell did you figure that out Major?”

“Uhh. Um… I have no idea…”

“Ok Major. Apparently this won’t be a huge amount of help against the Goa’uld, but we can experiment with it anyway. SG-1 dismissed.”

 

General Hammond

I dismissed SG-1, and we all stood to leave the room. I happened to glance at the clock hanging over the door.

“SG-1…”

Major Carter was the first to answer, “Yes Sir?”

“Can somebody tell me where the hell we’ve lost EIGHT hours??!!”

 

The End

 

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