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Chained To Angels

By Jackiwi

Email Author: jackiwi2002@yahoo.com

Series: chained to angels. 1. Get though this. 2. Loosing him in pieces. 3.Moving on. 4. With or without, 5. A new thing. 6.Baby blue. 7. Claxons and red flashing lights, 8. Fallen hero. 9. Daylight, come? 10. Three times before the cock crows. 11. And my soldier cried. 12. Willow trees and white doves.

Season: Best say all episodes up to and including season 6.

Rating: PG13 (at least)

Warning: Character death, language and adult situations.

Disclaimers: None of the stargate stuff is mine. Only this series is mine. Characters and what not are property of MGM, double secret and Gekko corp. This story is purely for fans reading and enjoyment.

Authors Comments: This will hopefully move you. There’s lots of angst of the Jack and Sam kind. I have to ‘tweak’ it a bit and that’s difficult to do when you know you should be revising for you’re a levels!

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PART 1: Get though this.

“A person can run away from his troubles just as easily as he can run away from his shadow.” -Unknown

The look on his face tells me all I need to know. He’s in pain, and despite a burn in my heart and my stomach’s churning that tells me to help him, the bars hold me back. I can’t get to him.

“Aaahhh!”

“Please, Leave him alone! Leave my dad alone.” I shout in one last desperate attempt to save him. But his assassin just looks at me, and smiles a smile that sends shivers down my spine. There is no soul behind those eyes. No feeling except pleasure in what his about to do.

I can’t look. I reach out for the nearest person. No, one person in particular. The only one that could make this any easier, if that’s possible. Jack. I grab his jacket and pull him towards me, laying my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes, praying for it to stop. Then I hear the sound. The sound that tells me it has stopped, but also the sound that tells me if I open my eyes now, my whole world is going to fall to pieces.

I squeeze tighter on the only thing that’s keeping me standing right now. My eyes burn with tears that sting as they track their way down my skin, and land on his green jacket leaving little patches of wet. I can feel him holding me, for the first time. I think he has been holding me since the beginning, but I just didn’t notice it.

“Carter?” His voice is husky. He must have seen it happen, but was obviously trying to be strong. For me, for himself, for both of us.

I lift my head from his shoulder and turn around, eyes still closed.

I have to. I have to open my eyes. I have to see if he’s really… dead. I take a deep breath, and look. He’s lying on the floor, back facing me, which I’m glad of. He looks like he’s sleeping and It takes a moment to sink in.

He’s gone.

He’s really gone. Lying less than two metres from me, and I could do nothing to stop it.

I fall to me knees, and just stair at him. My father. Tears come; they fall, and are replaced by another, and another, until I just stop. I can’t cry anymore, its like I have no tears left. Suddenly, I just want to get out of there. I fill claustrophobic. I just want to run. Run far away, and never turn back.

I see the opportunity. A guard has opened the cell, to pass in food, if you could call it that. With a determination that no man would dare stand in the way of, I kick him in the stomach, sending him flying a cross the room, and he hits the wall before sliding to the ground. Others come to try and stop me, and others are in there turn sent flying. Jack follows my lead, and together we get out of there, get the ring activator from the now unconscious guard, as Jack tells the others the plan using a concealed communication device. We ring out of there to be intercepted by Teal’c and Jonas waiting in a cargo ship.

XX

Back at the base we go though the usual procedure. Medical, debriefing, etc. Every one tells me how there sorry, and how he’ll be missed, but it’s meaningless. I feel like a part of me is missing. We didn’t even have enough time to bring his body back.

Getting sick of hearing everyone pretending they understand, when they don’t have a clue, I head for the showers.

The room is empty, which I am grateful for. Stepping in the shower I turn up the water to the maximum pressure and heat that my tried body can stand. The water runs over my body and brings physical relief, if nothing else. I can’t believe how much this… sucks, for want of a better word. I only just lost Daniel, and it was only a few weeks ago that I thought I was going to lose Jack. Sure, I cried about that, and Teal’c helped me though that. It was a relief to cry, it let out all the emotions I’ve had to repress over the last few years. But crying doesn’t seem enough now.

A new thought crosses my mind, and forces me to take a sharp breath as I realise I’ve been holding the same old stale air in my lungs. I’m an orphan now. My mother died years ago, but the pain is still fresh in my heart. But now, dads gone too.

Oh god, how am I gonna tell Mark. I can’t tell him the truth, but I’m not sure I can lie to him about this.

I turn the shower off, deciding that I need to go home. I get my stuff, and leave.

XX

TEN DAYS LATER

Mark has been told. I told him Dad had heart attack, and that he died instantly. He wasn’t in any pain. I couldn’t tell him that our father had been tortured to death by an alien known as a goa’uld.

He was upset, I could tell, but he tried not to let me hear it in his voice.

Ever since it happened, I haven’t been able to think straight. Sitting in an armchair, with the telly on, but not watching it, just starring in to thin air.

There’s a knock at the door, and I reluctantly go to answer it, checking that the tears that were flowing steadily have stopped, on the way.

“Sir!” I was surprised to see him.

“Carter. ….. Gonna let me in?”

“Yeah! Sorry.” I finally get out of his way and allow him to enter my house.

We walk though to the kitchen where he puts down the bag of groceries that I’ve only just noticed him carrying.

“How are you holding up?” He asks nervously.

“I’m holding up ok.” I force a smile, but he doesn’t buy it.

“Ok meaning…?”

I put one hand on my head and brush back my hair. “ I’m… to tell you the truth, I’m not holding up at all.” I give in to his looks. “ The first few days were the worst. I didn’t get out of bed, I just lay there, not even sleeping, just thinking. I’ve been thinking a lot, about something, and about nothing. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I used to know exactly where I was going, and what I wanted, but now…”

He reaches out and takes my hand, leading me to sit down. After a moment, when where both sitting at the kitchen table, he notices that he is still holding my hand, and tries to pull it away, but I don’t let him. I need the strength it’s giving me right now.

“It’s only been ten days, Sam.” The use of my name startles me.

“Give yourself more time. I know, when you lose someone… its like your whole world has been pulled out from under your feet. You’d do anything to make the pain go away, to somehow fix things. But no matter how hard you try, there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to make it better. It just takes time. The pain just gets… less, after a while, ‘til you find you can go though the day, and not even feel it. But the scars are always there.”

I squeeze his hand tighter. He’s right. The scars are always there, and suddenly I can see them on his face. The years he’s spent alone, blaming himself for Charlie’s death. I know it’s against regs to feel the way I feel about him, but I don’t give a shit about them right now. I touch his face, laying my free hand on his left check, and running the back of my index finger along it.

“We’ll get though this together Sam. You don’t have to do it alone.”

He puts his hand on top of mine and pulls it to his mouth, where he lays a kiss on it, making me smile, if only briefly, for the first time in what feels like years.

~X~

Part 2: Loosing him in pieces

“I’ve heard loved ones leave you in peaces. That little by little you start to forget things about them. But that’s not true. You lose them. Everything. Instantly. And suddenly nothing can replace them. Nothing.”

-Farscape.

The memory comes in sharp bright flashes. The pain on his face. The blast from the starf, in slow motion, as time seems to stand still. Forever lost in the moment.

He screams out as the yellow beam finally strikes him and I wake to find myself joined to him though the pain. He’s scream still crying out in my head.

“NO!’

My hands shake, my eyes search desperately for light, and the cold salty sweat soaks my skin. But, eventually my rapid heart begins to slow, and reality kicks in. It was a dream. A dream that I’d had every night since I lost him, and every time his face fades more and more.

It’s strange. I can remember everything else like it was yesterday, but somehow, little by little, I’m losing him. Forgetting his features and his voice.

I fumble for the light switch and blink painfully when the light I had been seeking earlier finally appears, covering the darkness. My hand comes to rest on the framed photograph of my mum and dad, with Mark and I at their feet. We were on holiday in England when it was taken. Years before death came and stole my mother, and now my father too. We all look so happy.

It’s scary. When my mum died, I did everything possible to make sure I would never forget her. Hung on to photographs, kept a bottle of her favourite perfume, just so I would never forget how she smelt. Just silly little things, but they were important to me. When someone you love dies, your terrified you’ll forget them, so you reach out and grab anything that you can cling to, just to remember.

But the fact is, you do forget, maybe not all at once, but little things. Things like the sound of their voice, the way they take their coffee. But at the same time, there are some things you’ll never forget. That vivid memory which stays with you your whole life.

For me, it was her smile. I’ll always remember it. She had a beautiful smile, which never failed to calm me as a child, or quiet one of dad’s moods.

Coming out of my thoughts, I find myself in the bathroom, not really sure how I got here, and facing my own lifeless reflection in the mirror.

God, I look rough. Dark circles around my eyes, hair all over the place, and pale. I look so pale. I can’t stand it anymore, so I wash the rapidly drying sweat of my face, and dry it on the nearest towel. I head back to my bedroom, flicking the light switch on my way out.

Sitting on my bed and staring into space, my eyes suddenly focus on a teddy bear sitting on my dressing table. I smile to myself and reach over to pick him up. He is dressed in blue and white stripy PJ’s with ‘zzz’ sown on to his shirt.

My dad gave me ‘Jake’ (guess who chose the name…?) for my seventh birthday. He said that Jake would take care of me whenever he was away, and if ever I needed him, all I had to do was huge Jake really tightly, and he would know, wherever he was in the world. It’s the only teddy I’ve kept from my childhood. The rest went in various garage sales though the years. But I kept Jake ‘cause I believed he had the power that my dad said he had. Dad always said that magic exists in our hearts. Something only has power when we believe it does. With out that key ingredient, magic can’t exist.

But, I guess its easier to believe when your seven years old.

I look back at my bed, feeling insanely tired, yet something holds me back from climbing back in.

“Sam?” I jump as I mentally kick myself for having forgotten his presence in my house. He had decided that he was at a lose end, and may as well follow Hammond’s orders for once, and look after me.

“Jack!”

“What are you doing up? Its 2 AM” he asks drowsily.

“I had a nightmare” I reply, looking away as if ashamed.

“You ok?” he asks, trying to sound concerned, but his brain chooses that exact moment to demand oxygen, and he stifles a yawn. He’s clad in a white t-shirt and boxers, I notice for the first time as he walks towards me, lifting his hand in front of his face to shield his eyes from the light.

“Yeah. I’m ok. When you have the same dream for weeks, it becomes harder to be afraid of it.” I’m lying though my teeth, and I’m pretty sure he can tell when I lie, so I look down at Jake, still sitting in my hands.

“Whose this?” Now sitting on my bed, he places he’s hand on my arm, with his fingers lacing around my wrist.

“This is Jake. Jake, meet Jack.” I force a smile as I hand him my bear, and, as if entertaining a child, he plays a long.

“Hello Jake. Nice to meet you.”

He puts him on the bed between us, and turning back to face me, he puts his hands on top of mine. We just sit. Sit in silence until finally I break. As the tears fall down my checks, he brings up his hand, and puts it behind my head, lightly encouraging me to lay it on his shoulder. I do so, and put my free hand on the other side of his neck. I fill him lay a light kiss on my head, before resting his chin gently on top of it.

After a while, I don’t know how long exactly, we finally move apart, and I look up at him, unable to hide the sadness that falls in the form of tears from my eyes. He wipes them away with his thumb almost automatically.

I close my eyes for a moment, suddenly feeling the over-powering tiredness, but for the first time, I actually want to talk about it. As if reading my mind, he asks me gently.

“Tell me?”

“I feel like I’m stuck in a turmoil of emotions. There are all these things going on around me and inside me, but I cant make anything out. Somehow, they all just melt into one big blur. These big black clouds swirling around me, and I’m lost somewhere in the middle. Alone.”

“You’re not alone.” He reassures me with a tender squeeze of my hand.

“I’ll find you, I promise.”

He pulls me close again, and I bask in his closeness, before the fatigue finally grabs hold completely, this time refusing to let go.

“In the mean time, you need to get some sleep. It’ll help.” He says, noticing that I’m all but falling asleep on his shoulder.

Well, I’m not gonna to argue with that. I turn and look at my bed, big and empty. I can’t face it alone, and he knows it. I face him with pleading eyes and I’m so thankful when he interprets them correctly.

“Do you want me to stay?”

I don’t say anything, just nod, and then standing up, reach for he’s hand but realise that I already have hold of it. I lead him to the head of the bed, and he takes control from there. Pulling back the covers for me, I slid in, scooting across to make room for him.

I turn my back on him, so I lay against he’s chest, as he cocoons me in his arms, and our fingers knit together. For the first time in ages, I feel safe. Unafraid of sleep, as I know that laying in his arms, the night will pass quickly, and the sun will rise on the start of something new.

‘I’ll never forget you, dad. You’re apart of me. Your in my heart.’ I whisper almost silently. I reach down, and grab Jake from the middle of the bed, where jack left him, and squeeze him softly, just as jack holds me.

“Thank you Jack”

“What for?”

“For being here, and for giving me something to hold on too.”

He berries he’s head in the back of my neck, pulling me closer into his embrace.

“You’re welcome.”

~x~

PART 3: Moving on.

“Courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to carry on in spite of It.” –Unknown

(3 weeks later)

The night passed quickly after he joined me. Too quickly. All too soon it was time to leave he’s arms, and get on with my life. I find myself, dressing in front of the mirror in my bedroom for my first day back at work, dreading walking though those doors. Not really sure if this is what I want. I want Jack, but I also want the sgc and the stargate. I love my job...but I love him more.

What happened to dad has changed things. It’s opened my eyes, and suddenly I see what has been right in front of me all this time. I always knew that I had strong feelings for Jack, but I berried them, so determined to not risk screwing up my career over a man! But I can’t do that anymore. It’s too hard to fight those feelings, and I’m not even sure I want to anymore.

For the first time since I was with Jonas, I’m thinking about my future. What good is a career in the grand scheme of things? When I have to retire, then what will I have? I don’t want to grow old alone. I don’t want to end up a lonely old woman, who receives looks of pity from every passer by. I want a husband, and a family.

I want what I can’t have. Jack. And not just because I don’t want to be a lone, but because I need him. Because I love him.

**

All day, I just go though the motions, not really there because I’m so lost in my own head. I keep trying to shake it off, but I can’t help it, something has got to change.

The day comes to an end, and I thank god that nothing more dramatic than a light bulb going in the control room happened, and Siler soon fixed that.

Having changed into my civvies, and put my coat on, I pick up my bag, grateful to be heading for the nearest exit. And I so nearly made it!

“Major Carter, can I see you for a moment? In my office.” I hear a filmier voice call down the corridor behind me. I stop dead in my tracks, close my eyes and admit defeat. One last look at the lift, from which I am mere feet away, I turn and follow the General.

He stands in the doorway holding the door open for me as I silently thank him, and move to the middle of the room, adopting the typical (almost) military pose. (Hands behind my back, standing up straight, with my shoulders back) He closes the door behind me, and suddenly I fill trapped, but I do my best to try and hide that feeling.

“Sit down, Major.” I do as he says, glad not to have to try and hold that forced position.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been a little… distant today, major. And given the circumstances, I can well understand that. However, as you will know, we are a front line defence facility, and because of that, I need to know that my people are 100% committed to what they are doing.”

“Yes, sir.” I get a feeling in my gut that I know where this is going.

“Major, I know that if anyone is committed to this project, its you. Don’t get me wrong, the work you do here is vital. But I cant help but wonder if maybe you came back to work a little too soon?”

Committed? Vital? Oh, boy.

I suddenly find my shoes very interesting, as I realise that part of what Hammond is saying makes sense.

“Major, you know how fond I was of your father…”

Oh, please don’t go down that road. I can’t handle it, not today.

“…He was a good man.”

“Yes. He was.”

It seems to finally get though that I don’t need this, and he offers me an end point.

“Well… if you need more time, all you have to do is ask. That’s all major, you can go now.”

“Yes, sir. And … thank you.”

I get up and get as far as the door, before reconsidering. I do need more time. In fact I need a lot more time, and with someone in particular. Only General Hammond can sort this thing out, and if he can’t, then I guess I have some thinking to do.

But I can’t run away from this opportunity to get things out in the open. Lay all my cards on the table.

“Actually, General, there is something I need to speak to you about. It’s kinda personal, but I need some advice and help on this one, and you’re the only person I can get that from.”

“Ok, Major. I’ll do my best. What is it?” I go back and retake my sitting position from before.

“General, sir, what you said about commitment is true. The thing is, well… I’ve been thinking, and I’m not sure I can stay committed to the SGC, when it is stopping me being happy.” I look at him, seeing the comprehension on his face. He is a smart man, and knows exactly what…who I am talking about.

“This has something to do with a certain Colonel, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Does he know that your here?” Good point. I haven’t talked this over with him. I don’t even know if this is what he wants.

“No. I guess maybe he should be here, but he wound only try and talk me out of it.” That’s true.

“Talk you out of what?”

“Sir. You see, the thing is… I’m in love with him.” I can feel the heat rushing to every inch of my skin, and I’m sure he can see it as it turns a fierce red.

“I see.”

“God knows I know I’m not supposed to be. And I’ve tried, I really have, to ignore those feelings, but I guess, losing my dad has shown me what’s really important in life, and how little time we have with those who fit that description. I guess what I’m saying is that, unless you can maybe pull a few strings…”

“…You choose Jack over the stargate.” He says, finishing my sentence for me. It’s unnerving when I see the resigned look on his face.

“Sir, I know its not fair to ask, but… well, I love this programme so much, I guess I just figure its gotta be worth a shot.”

He looks up at me, his hands knitted together on the desk in front of him. I can almost see the wheel turning in his head (so to speak) as he considers what I have said.

Moments pass, but it feels like hours, as the ticking clock on the wall suddenly becomes thunderous.

“I agree major. It is worth a shot. The work you do here is undisputed by anyone. You are the reason that this programme got any further than Abydos. And as for Colonel O’Neill, well he is the best this country has to offer. Why else would we have brought the man out of retirement? All I have to do is try and make the president see it that way. I take it you haven’t… consummated your relationship yet?”

“No, sir.”

“Good. That plays in our favour. The two of you have been in love for years now, haven’t you?” The question is an already answered one. “And it’s never effected your work… to a dangerous degree before.” He goes on, seemingly thinking aloud. “I have the utmost belief in both you and Jack, and I know that should the president make any…special allowances, you will continue to act professionally and discreetly, at least on base. I mean, you understand, that he cannot change the whole military code, just for the two of you. And if others were to see that you take this for granted, they might not think to highly of you.”

“I understand, General.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll see what I can do. Thank you for going the proper way about this major, and not going behind closed doors. I assure you, its better this way.”

“I know. Thank you sir.”

He nods his approval, and dismisses me, my head spinning as I realise what just happened. I head for the exit again, and this time, nothing stands in my way.

~X~

PART 4: With or Without?

“For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these; ‘ it might have been.’”

Waiting. Waiting is a strange thing. Everybody’s waiting for something, and sometimes you don’t even know what it is, or if it’s just happened, passed you by and you didn’t even notice.

It’s been two days, 13 hours and 27 minutes since I left Hammonds office, since I left my future in his hands. I could go see him every hour and ask for the latest news, but I wont let myself. I wont set myself up like that, not when I could so easily be crushed by one little word. No.

Two insignificant letters, yet when you put them together they form a word so powerful it can rip the floor out from under you. Engulf your heart, chew it up and spit it out.

Yet another word keeps the balance in my heart and head, and stops me going crazy. Hope.

The computer screen in front of me suddenly fuzzes back into focus, as I let that train of thought go, whilst mentally kicking myself; ‘concentrate on the matter in hand, Sam!’

“The decay rate of naquader is equal to…”

<Major Carter, please report to General Hammonds office. >

A voice over the PA system interrupts me.

‘This is it.’ I think to myself, closing the lid down on my laptop. Suddenly the general’s office seems like it’s too far away, and I almost run out of my lab.

**

My hands shake as I reach out and lightly knock on his door.

“Come in”

‘Breath. Just remember to breath.’ I tell myself as I push the door open and enter just inside.

“General, you wanted to see me?”

“Yes, come in major, take a seat.”

I do as I’m told, moving to sit opposite him, and try desperately not to fidget.

“I have spoken to the president, concerning the matter we discussed two days ago.”

I nod to signal that I know which ‘matter’ he is talking about.

“He has agreed to grant yourself and Jack a sort of ‘rite of passage.’”

“What does that mean?” I ask on a sudden adrenaline high.

“Well, Major, it means that he’ll turn a blind eye. So, if you and the Colonel want a relationship, you have his word that there will be no court marshal against you.”

Am I hearing this right? I can't quite believe it.

“Are you sure that’s what he said, sir. I mean…I wan to be sure.”

“Yes, Major, that’s what he said. However…”

My heart, which is making its way to my mouth, stops dead in its tracks, somewhere in my throat. ‘Please don’t take this away from me. That would be too cruel.’

“Sir?”

“…However, he can only promise that he wont do anything. If a new president is elected in the next vote, he’ll have no control over what happens to you. You understand that?”

“Yes…sir, I understand.” Suddenly it’s like the hope I had was made of glass and someone just smashed it.

“There is away around that though.”

Not thinking straight, I hear what he says from a distance, and it takes me a while to comprehend.

Finally I ask, “How?”

“Well, if you where to get married, and then be court marshalled immediately, and pardoned, as you would be because the president has agreed, then this particular regulation would no longer apply. And they could not split the two of you up, because you have entered into a legal contract, and they can't do anything about that.”

I can breath again, and my heart slowly slides back down to its rightful place. For the first time I realise that I can finally have exactly what I want. I can have Jack. I can have Jack and still have the stargate. The tears I didn’t realise where even there, drop from my eyes, and I smile. Something I hadn’t pictured myself doing for a long time.

“Why is he doing this?” I have too know.

“I guess he likes you. I told him how valuable you and Jack are to this project, and that I don’t think it can carry on with the two of you. At least, not yet. I haven’t found anyone else who has your expertise, and he knows that.”

“Thank you, General. You have no idea how much this means too me.”

“Your welcome major. Now…” he’s expression changes to that of a proud father “go get your man, and be happy!”

“Yes, Sir!”

I can't help but smile, as he gives me his blessing. I turn and practically run from his office.

Again!

**

“Jonas, have you seen the Colonel?” I ask, out of breath (only slightly. I am military trained you know) from my run though the halls of the SGC.

“Yeah. His in his office. Oh, Sam…”

“Sorry, Jonas, no time. Talk to you later.” I shout back over my shoulder, as I head for that destination. Before I know it, I’m at the door.

‘Ok, calm down Sam. Breath. You can't go in there all worked up, you’ll end up making an idiot of yourself.’

I take a couple of deep breaths, and knock on the door, entering when the command comes.

“Carter! What can I do for ya?”

He looks up from a pile of paper work, seemly not impressed with the interruption, but I know him better than that. He’d take any excuse to get out of writing reports!

‘Ok this is it’ I think to myself. ‘Why didn’t I think this though first? Plan a really great way of telling him. Now I’m standing here in front of the rest of my life, and I don’t know what to say. ’

“Carter?” He prompts me.

“Sir, I… would you like to come for a walk with me? On the surface.” I guess I decided this isn’t the place to tell him.

“I would love too, but I really should…”

“Please” I interrupt.

He looks at me, slightly shocked by my pushing on this, and decides…

“Ah, what the hell. This report is already 3 months late. What difference is another half an hour gonna make?”

He drops he’s pen symbolically, and outing the lights and grabbing his green fatigue jacket from the back of his chair on the way out, we make for the surface.

**

I forgot how beautiful our planet is.

It’s a summers evening, and the sky is full of orange and gold as the sun gently rests on the horizon, after a hard day of beaming down on the people below. The air is warm but fresh, and there’s the smell of cut grass on the breeze. The birds sing happily as they make there way home for the night, along with a noisy cricket.

Just a normal summers evening at twilight, and the world goes on, blissfully unaware of what is going on out there beyond the stars, which are just starting to appear, along with just a sliver of a crescent moon.

I walk next to him as we walk further and further away from the prying eyes of the base. I reach down and take his hand as we carry on walking. He looks at me with that look. The one that says, ‘I’m slightly confused by this, but I like it.’

I stop and turn to face him. This is the bit where I tell him. Here goes.

“Jack…”

“Jack?” He raises he’s eyebrows in a questioning manor.

“Jack” I continue with more determination, “ what would you do if I told that we could be together. In a relationship, and neither of us would have to keep secrets or give up the stargate?”

“I would say…’Huh?’”

I smile as he tilts he’s head, and for a split second reminds me of the dog I had when I was 12 which also used to look at me like I was crazy.

“Ok. Well, then, ‘huh’.” He’s confused!

“I went to see General Hammond, two days ago. He spoke to the president, and he’s agreed to let us be together. I mean, if that’s what you want, which it…”

He places a silencing finger on my lips.

“It’s what I want!”

For a moment we just stand there looking at each other, seeing beyond the merely physical. Then, he moves the finger from my lips, around to the side of my face, and gently pulls me towards him, as we share our first REAL kiss.

It starts slowly, but pretty soon passion takes over, and he deepens the kiss, as my hands encircle his neck and his, mine.

The twilight evening around us fades into dust, as he becomes the only thing I see.

Things are finally working out. I’m finally moving on.

A falling star catches my eye, and I stop kissing and Jack and smile, looking over his shoulder.

“What?” he asks, puzzled.

“A shooting star! You know, when I was little, my mother told me that when people die, they don’t really leave. They become a star, sitting in the sky, where they can keep an eye on you. Look after you. When she died, I spent months looking for her star. I never found it. I gave up, and started to believe that it was just something she’d said to make me feel better after grandpa died. But you know what, I think she was right after all. I think her and dad…are watching out for me.” My eyes flicker back to his, and I know that this is right.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think your right.” He smiles back briefly before lifting my chin with his finger and engulfing me in his kiss again.

‘Thanks dad.’ I think to myself, feeling content that the star was a sign of his approval.

The night fades around us, and we don’t care.

~X~

PART 5: A New Thing

“To unpathed waters, undreamed shores”

-Shakespeare.

I never thought I could feel like this. Complete. For once in my life, I feel complete. And he gave it to me. Jack gave me the greatest gift in the entire world. Himself.

After our walk came too an end and the sun was making its way up, bringing a new day with it, Jack and I didn’t go back to the base, but instead came here, to his house. And what followed was amazing. After a beer, and an unsure silence, passion finally took hold of us. Not mad, just soft, and tender. Each of us showing the other how much we love them.

The result; I am lying in his arms, again, but this time we are more than friends. We are lovers. His head lays on the pillow as he quietly sleeps, each breath warming the back of my neck, and his arms are draped around me, fingers lightly resting just above my belly button.

I take in a deep breath and close my eyes; happy in the knowledge that this is how I’ll spend the rest of my life, before I fall into the glorious realm of sleep.

**

I wake to find that it wasn’t a dream, he is still here and already awake as I turn over and am greeted with a:

“Morning Hun.” I smile like an idiot before returning the favour.

“Ummm, morning.”

He leans in and kisses my forehead, then lies back down as I lay my hand on his check, just making sure that he’s real. The sunlight streams in though the curtains and lights up his face, making him look even more gorgeous as I move in closer, now sharing his pillow.

“Jack, there’s something that I never got round to telling you last night. About us.”

“Oh?”

“This…deal the president has made with us, it has a catch. Well, it’s not really a catch, not if you look at it the same way I do...”

“ Carter!” That shocks both of us.

“Sorry. Habit. I mean Sam, what is this catch?”

I look at him for a second, before shaking off the stillness of thought and continuing with what I was saying, “We have to get married. And before the next election.” His face is unreadable for a moment, which worries me, coz its not often that I can't read his face. It’s scary.

“Oh.”

“Oh! Oh? What do you mean, oh? Jack… don’t you want to marry me?”

“Yeah, ya see, I don’t know.” His face is sombre. Shit, shit, shit, don’t do this. “The rest of my life…chained to an angel.” A slow smile spreads across his face and then mine replacing the worried look, as I realise he is joking. “Got’cha”

“Jack! That wasn’t very nice!” I mock yell at him at the same time as (lightly) whacking he’s arm. He starts to tiggle me and we end up in a full blown war, pillows flying, and rolled up socks being thrown in all directions. I finally manage to pin him, and that’s when he decides to call a truce, (Just when I was winning!)

“I guess you’re just to good for me, Mrs O’Neill.”

“Aint that the truth!” I flash him an evil grin before lightning my grip on his wrists and he wraps his arms around my waist as we kiss and make up.

**

4 MONTHS LATER

The last four months have gone so quickly. Telling Janet and the guys, not only about us, but that we’re getting married was fun. There faces were priceless, full of shock that slowly turned to ‘how?’ And then to ‘yay!’

Since then, Janet and Cassie have been helping, well I say helping, but what I really mean is throwing bridal magazine in front of me at all hours of the day, including during a briefing (general Hammond wasn’t to happy about that, despite the fact that he is giving me away!) So its bliss to finally have everything organised. The JP’s office, the flowers, dresses, reception, and of course, the honey moon. This I am worried about. See, I left it up to Jack (he was feeling left out). So why do I keep having visions of a lake, and fish!?

Cassie is going to be my bridesmaid, along with my niece, Marks daughter. I must remember to call Jack to check…no wa