Regrets

By StargateSG1971

Email Author: StargateSG1971@aol.com

Summary: Taken from Jack’s POV regarding his feelings over Charlie’s death

Spoilers: Children of the Gods, Cold Lazarus.

Warning: Heavy reading even though it’s a short piece.

Category: Angst

Season: 1

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM/UA, Showtime/Viacom, SCI-FI Channel, Gekko, Double Secret Productions etc. and all the powers that be, not me. No copyright infringement intended. This story is written for fan entertainment only and no money has exchanged hands. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted anywhere without the authors consent.

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Time, time heals, that’s what they say. But for me, time stood still. I didn’t let it help me. I let it consume me with guilt.

Life sucks when you’ve got no one to share it with. I know that now, more than ever.

I had it all. A wife. A child. A family, and in one brief moment, my life was shattered.

I can still hear the sound of the gunshot echoing in my ears. He was a child, an innocent life. He died because of my own carelessness. I should have locked the gun away, kept him from harms way, but I didn’t. I might as well have pulled the trigger. I killed my own son. Loving and protecting him was my only role as his father, and I screwed it up! Oh god, why, why Charlie.

I remember on more than one occasion rolling a handgun around in my hand. Hearing it calling out to me to ‘pull the trigger, squeeze back on it and end your misery’. I came close one day, but a tap on the door stopped me.

The military gave me another option.

When I told Sara about the mission she didn’t want me to go. She told me she needed me, but I wasn’t thinking of her, only me. I wanted to go. It sounded like a one-way ticket. A way for me to make amends for what had happened to Charlie. I went even though she begged me to stay.

I shouldn’t have been surprised the house was empty on my return, but I was.

On the mission Daniel had helped me to believe in life again. I thought I could come home and put things right between us, but she’d gone.

Now there’s no one to rush home to, no one to share my life with, no shoulder to cry on. Now I have, nothing.

Days turn into nights, and I don’t even notice anymore. My life is on autopilot.

Time heals, but only if you let it.

The End…..